bratwurst faux paw

Hmmm...what were you thinking??? 8)

Last night, I went to a cookout to celebrate a visit from a friend of mine who moved away about six months ago. It was requested that we bring meat to grill and either a side or a drink, so I grabbed a pack of bratwursts and some caffeine free coke...we need to protect our good night sleeps, yes?

Anyway, we all hung out and had a good time. By the time I'd gotten there, most had already eaten, so I ate two of the brats and had four left. One of our hosts was kind enough to wrap up the remainder for me to take home and eat later. I had to drop somebody off on the way home, and seeing as I've only got two seats in my pick up truck, I threw the grocery bag in the flatbead...something I do quite frequently.

As you can imagine (it wouldn't be a story otherwise), I got home and went to bed, having completely forgotten the food in the flatbed of my truck. Oops.

Not long after I awoke this morning, I realized what I'd done and eventually went out to retrieve the vittles. Truth be told, YES, I was going to grab them and throw them in my fridge.

Now before you go judging me, do you know what's in a Bratwurst? Could a night in a baggie in the flatbead of my truck REALLY make it any less healthy? Besides, a lot of you've been in college, or at least have shared in college-style dining. Just because you leave a pizza on the counter for a couple days (err...a week) doesn't make it bad. As long as there aren't bugs or something, and the crust isn't stale enough to chip a tooth, it's fair game. Yeah - Judgment vetoed!

As I was saying, I went out to retrieve the vittles and what did I find? A torn up baggie and a few scraps of what once were my leftover brats. No, I didn't eat them or try to save them for later...jerks. I took them straight to the trash like a good boy and concluded that one of our umpteen neighborhood felines ate well last night. That cat ate a lot more bratwurst than I did last night though...probably made for a rough night/morning. Serves 'em right.

Wait...remember the time Lucius Malfoy accidentally gave Dobby the house-elf a sock, and in doing so, lost his servant?

I hope I didn't just accidentally feed a cat at my house, and unintentionally acquire a new pet...

TONGUE?!?

I'm a big believer in heuristics. This life is very complex, and we have such a short time to experience as much of it as possible. What we can't afford is to go back and double-check things that we have already proven to be true or false.

A simple heuristic example: At one point, I touched a hot stove. I now know that I don't ever have another reason to touch a hot stove. There is quite simply nothing to be gained from that experience.

A more complex example: If I am drilling through a tough piece of wood, when I pull the drill out, the bit is going to be hot. After some premature grabs, I now know that it takes about 30-60 seconds for the bit to cool off. I know to either play hot potato if I'm in a hurry or to use the next minute on another piece of the project till the bit is cooled off.

Makes sense, right?

All that to say that I'm a creature of habit in a lot of areas so that I'm free to be spontaneous in others.

I've developed a rather predictable schedule on Wednesday nights.

I run with the East Nasties at 6, and when we get done, we go down to the Three Crow Bar to enjoy a beer or two and have conversation that isn't perforated by heavy breathing and/or covered in sweat. (for those of you thinking about beer after running with incredulity, it's actually quite nice, and it's a good proven way to replenish nutrients after a hard run.)

The bartender girls there are so used to me ordering the same old Yuengling Lager every week that they're often handing me my beer before I've had a chance to ask for it. Even if I wanted something different, I'd gladly take the Yuengling because: A) it's awesome, and B) because being recognized by name and face as a regular is an honor that should put a smile on anybody's face.

Anyway, after I make my rounds and talk to all my running buddies, it's time for dinner. Dinner at 10pm is tough unless you live in Spain where that's the norm. I've heard it recommended that one shouldn't eat after 8pm, and I usually try to stick to that. That being said, if one must eat at 10pm, it probably shouldn't be anything heavy, which rules out about 95% of the restaurants open at that point, even in a good-sized city like Nashville.

Solution: The authentic (Nolensville Rd.) taco stand. You Nashvillians know of what I speak. Three tacos with a small side of veggies for $3!!! And man are they ever good.

Anyway, this is a new Wednesday night tradition for me, but seeing as I'm about a head or more taller than the majority of Latinos and dressed in my running clothes, I stick out a bit at the Taco stand. My favorite one is at the corner of Harrison and Nolensville at the Citgo Station. The food is great, and the people are very nice.

As usual, I ordered my three chicken tacos and then got into a conversation with one of the guys there. We shot the breeze mostly in Spanish, and then this transpired:

"Have you ever tried any of the other meats here?"
"No, what type would you recommend?"
Accompanied by a silly, but certainly not malicious grin, he said, "TONGUE!"
To myself, "How did I know he was going to say that???"
(Exit 'Regularly-Scheduled-Programming,' enter 'Spontaneity.')

Well, I explained to him that most Americans find that particular meat to be a bit gross, but I let him talk me into sampling all the meats in the stand. Truth be told, they were all really good. The scariest ones were obviously tongue, and the other was cheek...scary, but still good.

Anyway, just nice to see one of my life theories in action working in my favor. Regimen in conjunction with Spontaneity.

I concluded the evening by eating my awesome tacos, taking a shower and going to bed. All in all, another great Wednesday night.

The Food Vortex

Ahh, a fine Monday morning to chase down a great weekend.

I had a pretty great weekend full of quality time with good friends, some nice quiet time for myself, time to sleep when I was tired, etc. Let me tell you about the high point, though...

Yesterday, we did a pretty hilly 12-mile run in some pretty stout humidity. Fortunately the sun was hidden behind the clouds and we were all in good company.

I noticed around mile 10 that I was starting to get pretty hungry. Those of you who know me know that I tend to eat a lot, and that I also LOVE food. I make the distinction between those two because they're NOT synonymous and don't always go hand-in-hand. I've got a pretty good metabolism and burn a lot of calories in my day to day activities, not to mention all the running I do on top of that.

Every once in a while, however, The Good Lord smiles on me, and somewhere in my stomach, a gateway opens to a parallel universe I like to call "The Food Vortex." In the presence of The Food Vortex, I can eat all the food I can get my hands on and never seem to get full.

Some of the guys decided to go to the Noshville Deli after our run yesterday. As much as I like hanging with the guys after these runs, I wasn't stoked about having to drive 20 minutes, then have to wait longer for my food to come out. I mean, what if the gateway to the food vortex closed?!? Plus, I was craving Burger King something FIERCE!

Fortunately, the guys got to Noshville well before I did only to find the line too long and I talked my buddy Hunter into meeting me at Burger King. Victory!

When we got there, I asked the cashier if they still had "that big breakfast sandwich," and she eventually found it...apparently not a popular item (I ordered it once before and couldn't finish it). I ordered that in the large combo meal and could barely stand still as anticipation mounted. I winced as she spilled a few of the hash browns and had to throw them out. I think she noticed, and seeing as they were done serving breakfast, she gave me a small box of french toast sticks as well. I had to choke back tears of joy.

About 15-20 minutes later, I'd finished the sandwich, the king-sized hash browns and also the french toast sticks. I did my normal post-meal sigh of satisfaction, but spliced in with the peaceful exhalation was yet another cry of hunger from the insatiable food vortex. I looked at my empty tray, then at Hunter, then at the (now lunch) menu, then back at Hunter who gave me the "Why Not?!?" look.

I returned to the counter to order a Whopper Jr. and some french fries from another cashier. My original cashier returned to the counter a moment later, saw me standing there, and asked me if I needed something. I thanked her and explained that I'd simply placed another order for more food. She gave me a brief glance of incredulity, then turned, chuckled and went about her business.

Finally the vortex echoed my sigh of satisfaction. I can think of few things that please me more than being able to enjoy that much food in one sitting. According to the BK website, my total calorie intake for that meal came out to about 2110 calories - breakfast accounted for about 1400 of that.

Like I said, I do normally eat a lot, but that's a pretty good amount of food even for me. Anyway, I guess its back to the normal eating habits, until the next time the food vortex graces me with its presence or lack thereof.

Simply beautiful, Simply beautiful.

Oh Starbucks...

Today is free pastry day at Starbucks.

I've been doing track workouts with a group on Tuesday mornings to improve my speed for my newly-found love of running. Last week we had our second, one-mile time trial. Because I improved since the last one, my training paces have quickened, making my workouts feel a lot tougher than they did a couple of weeks ago. That being said, I opted to treat myself to a post-run trip to Starbucks for "free pastry day" after a new running acquaintance named Christine (sp?) kindly shared an extra coupon with me.

Truth be told, I'm not really a Starbucks fan. I'd rather spend three hours in Wal-Mart any day over ten minutes in Starbucks.

Why don't I like Starbucks? (forgive me, some of these answers are singularly cliche).

• I hate having to feel cool or successful just to buy a dang cup of coffee. Now that I'm not in the music business anymore, I feel like an outsider if for some reason I go to Starbucks.
• The hype is ridiculous. Good coffee and coffee drinks are an art, not a science or chemical equation.
• Now, I'm no connoisseur...I'm just a handyman, but their coffee just doesn't taste very good...isn't it kind of bitter?

My main reason, however can be summed up in three words:

Tall, Grande & Venti. (of course, you knew I couldn't just LEAVE it at three words)

Let's ponder this for a moment. I'm going to look at it from a perspective of a person like myself and others who aren't particularly "Coffee Shop Savvy," as it were. I'll come back around with the original intent of the Starbucks sizing structure.

• Tall: This is not really a size adjective. It's more of an appearance description, but for benefit-of-the-doubt's sake, let's treat it as a size adjective. Generally speaking, is a tall person not usually considered bigger than a short person? So, it may be safe to assume that "Tall" would be the Large, but in Starbucks vernacular, it actually means Small. If I order something Tall, I sort of expect to be drinking out of a test tube or chemical vial.
• Grande: "Grande" is Italian for Large. Plain and simple but for the fact that this is actually the Medium size at Starbucks.
• Venti: This is the most creative one of all. "Venti" is Italian for...dun dun dun...Twenty. Why? Because because it comes in a 20 oz. cup. It's actually 20.5 according to the bottom of the cup, but perhaps "Venti E Mezzo" was less catchy. I guess, however, seeing as Italy uses the metric system, perhaps it should be "Seicento E Sei" (Six Hundred and Six Milliliters).
  

These sizes aren't even all in the same language. So, for the sake of juxtaposition, let's put them all in English and get this straight (I'm leaving out the "short" size because you have to specifically ask for it to get it):

• "Tall" = small
• "Large" = medium
• "Twenty" = Large

A height description meaning the opposite of it's definition, an actual size description meaning something other than its definition, and a number. So, not only do these all mean either the same thing or nothing at all, but they're relatively irrelevant to each other.

They could have gone with: Short, Medium and Tall, or Short, Tall and Shaquille O'neal (NBA Sponsorship, yes?)
The could have gone with: Small, Medium and Large
The could have gone with: Otto (8) Dodici (12), Sedici (16) and Venti (20)

My understanding is that Starbucks originally had two sizes that were "Short" and "Tall." Because we Americans like such mass quantities (I'm a huge fan of Sonic's Route 44 drinks), they had to adapt. I know I appreciate the adaptation, but could you guys not have made it a bit more user-friendly to first-timers, or at least more cohesive by using one type of measuring system?

I'm sorry Starbucks...I'm being kind of hard on you. Surely, I'll be buying your coffee again, but I'll do as I always do: Order a "Big Ol' Coffee" with the fullest southern drawl that I'm capable of, and wait to be corrected by some annoyed hipster behind the counter when he/she rolls his/her eyes and says, "Oh, you mean a 'Venti,'" like I was speaking some language other than English.

In the meantime, if I can help it, I'll spend my coffee budget at Créma, where Rachel, Lacey, Libby, Logan and Mark let me order a "Large Coffee," without batting an eye.

Moaning Myrtle

It's been a rough couple of months as far as death is concerned...the world has lost a quite a few heavily, visually influential people. Today for some reason, I've really been thinking about it a lot.

"I was just sitting in the U-bend, thinking about death..."
-Moaning Myrtle

I was at a restaurant for my friend Maggie's birthday last night and for some reason, "The Dark Knight" was on the TV. I say, "for some reason," because it seems an odd choice for over-dinner viewing. I stole many glances at the TV during dinner to admire what a find job Heath Ledger did portraying The Joker. It got me to thinking that there were so many blank pages in his book yet to be filled that are now destined to remain blank.

I think about Bernie Mac and that he'll never again be a part of Danny Ocean's team.

I think of Richard Harris and how much more I preferred him as Professor Dumbledore rather than Michael Gambon.

Being a guitar player and an appreciator of those who play it well, I sometimes wonder about Jimi Hendrix and Stevie Ray Vaughan and what they would have become had it not been for their youthful deaths.

In the last couple of months, we've lost Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Ed McMahon, Steve McNair, and just recently, Walter Cronkite. All of these people had very visible impacts on America/The World.

People die everyday and have been doing so since the advent of man, but we never really get used to it, do we? Even those of us who are confident of an afterlife struggle with death. It's so hard when we miss a person, or we can see what a strong impact their life made on others. We want to mourn them, but we are torn between mourning and continuing to make the most of our short time here on Earth.

"Follow me and let the dead bury their own dead."
-Jesus Christ

How precious is life? Considering the human reproductive process, the probability of any one of us being born is MILLIONS to one. Somehow, when we were born, we won the race to the egg. Let alone the probability of a single planet in a vast galaxy that has the capacity to sustain life. And yet humanity can be so cavalier in creating new life. So many unadopted children, so many single parents, so many irresponsible parents, so many abandoned children left to ponder their existence on their own.

How fragile is life? One squeezed-trigger/One bullet, one careless second behind the wheel, one blood clot, one moment of giving-up, In the same cavalier manner that humanity now creates life, it also destroys it. Gangs kill people to sustain their own egos according to their meaningless/arbitrary systems of pride, people knowingly drive drunk, people abuse drugs and miss out on precious seconds/minutes/hours/days/weeks/years that we don't get back.

How precious is our time? Can we really afford to waste precious minutes dwelling on unchangeable details, festering in drug-induced stupors, taking for granted the extreme improbability of our mere existence, harboring anger, holding grudges. Isn't life difficult enough w/out these complications?

Friends - Today, if we enjoy a beverage in company, let us offer a toast to life, and mean it.

"Almost Cut My Hair...

Happened just the other day.
It was gettin' kinda long."

Can anybody (besides my mom) tell me who sang the song I just referenced?!? (without looking it up too...)

Well, I didn't actually cut my hair, but I did cut some hair. For the last few months I've been sporting a beard. I haven't actually been able to grow a beard before, so it was with a fair amount of grieving that I said goodbye to it. You may remember a similar blog by the name of Fu-Graham-Chu.

I've never been a big fan of Nashville summers, especially compared to the Pennsylvania summers I knew growing up. It gets so hot and humid during July and August that it's actually difficult to breathe, and you don't even think about a second layer of clothing.

Being a handyman, I do spend a fair amount of time working outside, not to mention trying to do my running workouts outside, so I decided to say goodbye to the beard:















I immediately had these three thoughts:

1. Wow - look how little my chin is.
2. Hmmm...my eyes ARE green, aren't they?
3. Crap...I've gotta grow it back.

My friends have been supportive, but I still feel kind of naked without it.

On the bright side, four hours after I doused the beard, I crawled up into an attic to rewire some lights. It was noon, and I spent the next hour and a half up in that attic where I'd guess the temperature was about 120 degrees. I was sweating so much I actually thought it might start dripping through the drywall in the ceiling below me. So, that made me feel a little better about my decision.

I can safely say, however, that as soon as summer starts making its way out of Nashville, I'm growing the beard back in full force.

A Day Off

Today I took a much-needed day off. One tough thing about running your own business is that you're never actually done with work...or at least that's on of my difficulties. When I worked for "The Man" in Corporate America, I had clean-cut hours. When five o'clock rolled around I was out of there and didn't plan on thinking about work again until eight the next morning.

My Day off in a nutshell:

• slept in till 7:30
• enjoyed breakfast while watching the CBS Early Show (love those guys)
• finished "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls - I HIGHLY recommend it.
• Bank, Grocery store, Lunch
• Went to see the Pixar movie "Up" - It was pretty good...not my favorite Pixar flick.
• Shopped quickly for some running shorts with no avail.

After taking in The Early Show, "The Glass Castle," and "Up," I felt like I needed to give back a little, so here I am blogging.

It's certainly one of the most boring blogs I've ever written. Admittedly, I've got far deeper issues on my brain right now, which have also been contributing heavily to my great need for a day off. I just don't really feel like putting them on screen yet...maybe in the near future...maybe not.

Tonight I'll run as usual with the East Nasties, we'll grab a few beers afterward for our recovery drinks, and then, if it doesn't rain, perhaps I'll attend Movies in the Park at Centennial Park here in Nashville. We'll see. I'm actually itching to start another book.

Well, sorry for a lame post. I'll do better next time.